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EndlessChris' LiveJournal:
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| Wednesday, February 16th, 2005 | | 5:18 pm |
SOMEBODY FIND ME GOOD FREE WEBHOSTING
I need it badly. | | Monday, January 17th, 2005 | | 9:48 pm |
. | | Tuesday, December 21st, 2004 | | 11:32 am |
Some things I drew
. | | Friday, December 17th, 2004 | | 5:52 pm |
Oh shit
. | | Wednesday, December 15th, 2004 | | 1:42 am |
This is what death tastes like
.
Current Mood: Drifting
Current Music: Aguas de Marco/Track 26 from SMT | | Monday, December 6th, 2004 | | 1:28 am |
I FINALLY GET IT
. | | Friday, December 3rd, 2004 | | 4:47 am |
Love Story
. | | Monday, November 29th, 2004 | | 4:55 am |
One Page
. | | Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004 | | 4:50 am |
A4
. | | Sunday, November 7th, 2004 | | 11:32 pm |
The One Year Anniversary of the Chris Gesualdi Experience . Current Mood:  hopefulCurrent Music: Big D and the Kids Table - L.A.X. | | Tuesday, October 19th, 2004 | | 10:42 pm |
I'm 17 for the last time in my life . Current Mood:  listlessCurrent Music: Naivepop or Petitfool - Bicycle Race | | Friday, October 15th, 2004 | | 10:14 pm |
Redundancy
. | | Thursday, October 14th, 2004 | | 12:36 am |
Say hello to good times . Current Mood:  discontentCurrent Music: Jimmy Eats World - Futures | | Monday, September 20th, 2004 | | 12:58 am |
Gesualdi's Law
. | | Friday, September 17th, 2004 | | 12:07 am |
My Leg is a Train
Sometimes after waking up I just lie in bed half awake and have all these amazingly delusional thoughts. As these thoughts keep popping up I keep telling myself they don't make any sense, but yet as I lie there they seem perfectly normal. But then later they're so nonsensical I can't even describe them. Like my leg being a train, or all my high school classes melding into one Adobe InDesign document.
One time I had a dream where I was supposed to be running the Japanese stock market, and all these Japanese businessmen were yelling at me, demanding to buy and sell their stocks, and I'm just there screaming in English “I don't speak Japanese! I have no idea what you're saying!”
I think I'm going insane.
Anyhow, here's a list of games for this month that I feel compelled to own.
Advance Guardian Heroes
Astro Boy: Omega Factor
Gradius V
Growlanser Generations Deluxe Pack
Guilty Gear X2 #Reload GET
Gungrave OD
Katamari Damacy
Mega Man X: Command Mission
Phantom Brave Limited Edition
Star Ocean 3
Shin Megami Tensei 3
Street Fighter Anniversary Collection
SVC Chaos
I guess one of the new Pokemon games goes somewhere on that list as well, but that's still up in the air. I just have trouble playing a game so set in archaic RPG design that you can't even move diagonally. I still haven't played Ruby/Sapphire. I should do that. Anyhow, if anyone wants to like, buy an NES or some games or something to help me afford some games this month, I'd totally understand. I'll sell you Super Mario RPG for like $30. You know you want it.
You'll notice that I bought GGX2#Reload because it's only $20 and everyone with an Xbox should run out and buy it or else they aren't my friend anymore. It's the best 2D fighter ever. I haven't actually opened it yet, I've been busy playing Tales of Symphonia. I've started using Chipp Zanuff recently and I hope #Reload tweaks his character's attack damage. He's really fast and all, but that means nothing when your attacks do like no damage and your health bar drops faster than everyone else's. Now I just need to get Xbox Live. Though I still have bad memories from getting my ass kicked in Capcom vs. SNK 2 EO online.
And I guess Tales of Symphonia is like my new favorite RPG. Right now I'm looking for a magical spirit that will let me save the unicorn trapped at the bottom of the lake so I can presumably take his horn and use it to save Pietro using the magic book I got from the Tower of Mana.
It's all very important shit. | | Tuesday, September 14th, 2004 | | 1:03 am |
Bang! People, namely thatbox and Tollmaster, people who's real names I either don't know or choose not to remember, are hating on the new webcomic title. Those people are idiots because the new title is nice and fancy looking and fits the direction I intend to take the comic. So fuck them, they don't know anything. My computer has a new 80 gig hd I have decided to fill with as much pirated content as possible. So far I have Adobe Photoshop CS and a lot of movies. I almost bought some really cheap Comic Party DVDs I saw today, but decided to just pirate them like everything else. I am a savvy consumer. Well, actually I'm not. I have trouble with managing money, and when I say "managing money" I mean "not running out and spending money the second it enters my hands." The other day I managed to spend $70 in an hour at the mall. I used a Target raincheck to get Tales of Symphonia for $30, and Virtua Fighter 4: Evolution was half price at Toys R' Us, so that was another $10. Then as I was browsing EB Games I noticed a few SNES games. Now, this EB has never carried SNES games in the past, never. So I was intrigued. For some reason my sixth sense kicked in and I starting hoping to god I wouldn't find something like Megaman X2 or X3 since I didn't really have the money for it. Then I saw it. Megaman X2. For $30. Fuck. So yeah, this is a terrible month to be a poor gamer. Lots of really nice games are coming out, very nice shiny games like Gradius V, which is made by "acclaimed developer" Treasure and supposedly feels a lot like Salamander/Life Force which is my favorite Gradius game anyhow. I made $120 this weekend and it's all I can do to keep myself from buying one of these limited edition street fighter pads. I saw the Akuma one at Blockbuster and it seems really, really nice. And of course there's Star Ocean 3, Phantom Brave Limited Edition, and of course the Growlanser Generations Deluxe Pack coming out god knows when. What happened to the old days? When there was only like, a handful of good games a year? I miss those days. So anyhow, I'm still in the middle of that awkward teenage stage in life where you question everything around you. People tell me you grow out of it. I don't want to "grow out of it." Right now I feel more alive and aware of the world then I ever have been before. Case in Point The other day the "Andy Eddy and Jair show" played one last time at the Flywheel in Easthampton. We made t-shirts. The day was 9/9/04, the five year anniversary of the Dreamcast Launch. This was Dreamcast Remembrance Day. One person came, a Victor Tracy of "The Two Fat Ghouls," a horror show on public access Victor does with his brother that he tells me Rob Zombie enjoys. He was actually a really cool guy, and bought one of our shirts for $20. Here it is. So we built ourselves up thinking people might come, and it turned out to be just us and a few close associates, watching and laughing. I was a lot more pleased with my performance this time around than I was the first time I watched the last episode, and Eddy apparently really liked me in the "Soy Crisps" skit which counts for something. Afterwards I hopped in Eddy's car along with his sister Rosie and we ranted about Nickelodeon programming and other various unimportant subjects as we got lost for about an hour before showing up at the Route. 9 diner. As we waited for our drinks I loudly commented about how no one was taking Dreamcast Remembrance Day seriously, when our asian waiter butted in and let his love for the Dreamcast be known. When he brought my american cheese omelette to the table he asked me what my favorite Dreamcast game was. I drew a blank for a second, almost saying Skies of Arcadia, but then I remembered the right answer. Shenmue. He was a bit disapointed in himself, knowing of the greatness of Yu Suzuki's saga of a boy looking for some sailors, and having never experienced it himself. By that time, it was past 12:00 and Dreamcast Remembrance Day was over. But this isn't about Shenmue, or the Dreamcast. This is about watching this stupid show we poured our hearts into with the only people who ever deserved to watch it. This is about driving in that car with the windows down and the stereo blaring as we yelled at each other about The Adventures of Pete and Pete. This is about being in that Diner wearing our stupid matching T-shirts and saying goodbye to something that meant something to no one but us. This is about me completely blowing off my stupid video game letters column to spend two hours trying to write something meaningful. That night, spending the last few hours together with those guys before our group disbanded for the last time. That was one of the few times I've ever really felt alive. I liked feeling that way. But then day comes and I'm back at school where I can't feel those sorts of emotions. All I feel is helplessness, like I'm the only sane person trapped among a bunch of people who don't care about the trappings of their daily life. The world could be revolutionized overnight, the problem is that no one cares. All that's left for me to do to justify myself is find a path worth following, and revolutionize that path the best I can by myself. When I was a kid I think I wanted to be a writer. I wrote stories that were a great many pages long, though I often got the page count up by adding in large outragous sound effects that took up half the page. Kaboom! I used to write a lot of shitty pokemon fanfiction, most of which can be found here. The rest is in a drive on my old computer, along with all my old mp3s, things I want yet can no longer access. The best one I ever wrote was a nine chapter story called "Mornstar'z Saga" (The z was later changed to an s after I realized how retarded it was). People loved that story, even though it had plotholes everywhere. But there was action, and drama, and romance. I later replaced the pokemon with giant robots and condensed the plot into a 90 page epic I called "Mechanized." I wrote it for a 7th grade writing assignment and accidently forgot to print out the ending, yet I still got an A. I was that good. So good that my school picked me to be one of five representitives for a story contest, and I wasted the chance by waiting until the last minute to write a crap story about some kids who buy an arcade machine from a closing pizzeria as a remembrance of the kindly owner who passes away from cancer. Then they skip their senior prom to play it outside long into the night with the screen illuminating their faces under the dark night sky. I think I stopped writing after that. Up until now I feel like I've wasted a great deal of my life. I've realized the greatest thing that matters to me is friendship, and I think I've missed out on the oppertunity to truly have any meaningful lasting relationships. And it hurts, knowing that I'll never have the kind of perfect friendships I see in the movies. I have a couple of friends who I occasionally play Halo with. But it just doesn't mean anything to me anymore. And so in the middle of all this bullshit teenage drama none of you wanted to read Chris Gesualdi announces this. I'm going to Japan my senior year. Where I will have so many friends and so many meaningful experiences I won't know what to do with them all. And I'm going to look up at the sky one day and a cherry blossom will land on my nose and my Japanese girlfriend will laugh at me. And I'll laugh too. And I'll convert to buddism, get my girlfriend pregnant, marry her, develop
a life threatening medical disorder and get several tattoos no matter what anyone
says. Not even the exchange program guidebook.  (seriously though, can they really have guidelines against changing
your religion?)I think someday I just want to be as great a man as Hiroshi Fujioka is. You might know him by another name. Or maybe you don't. He was in Shenmue. I want to be in Shenmue someday. Bang! Current Mood:  confusedCurrent Music: Nico - These Days | | Tuesday, September 7th, 2004 | | 11:53 am |
Don't Worry, we won't tell anyone My school library has a new policy where you have to leave your student ID at the front desk to get into this wonderful treasure trove of books and computers with internet access. I make it a point not to ever carry my student ID as a form of protest against any policy that does nothing but waste my time. I attempted to casually stroll into the library before I was stopped by the librarian at the desk and informed of the new policy. “It’s a new policy” she told me. “I don’t carry my student ID with me” I told her. “Sorry, it’s a new policy” “Look, it’s ok, I’ll just get in today and tomorrow I’ll bring the ID” “I can’t let you do that, it’s a new policy” “I can give you my name, it’s Chris Gesualdi, Jizz-wall-d—“ “No, no, no, see there’s a new policy.” “Look, I have something very important I need to do, you can’t just spring a new policy on me. Now I’m going to go use the computer,” I said and started walking off towards a computer. “But… the new polic--” “Shh. Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone” I assured her. I’ve learned that if you seem determined and assertive enough then most people will eventually give way. I’m now reading about Tim Rogers going to Korea. Seems very important to me. (This is like the forth entry of mine in a row mentioning Tim Rogers. I’m a loser) Current Mood: determined | | Friday, September 3rd, 2004 | | 1:36 am |
Ripping your mind wide open Gameforms might actually be coming back, but I don't know if I'll
be returning as well. We'll just have to wait and see. I still
have a column I never got the chance to post, but it's fairly
outdated by now. It actually feels a bit more poetic that no one
will be able to read it.
</p>
But for now, I'm enjoying working on my personal site again.
I returned to school with few things in mind. One thing I wanted
to do was find somebody to work on my little
webcomic project.
It has a new title now.
I've always wanted to do a webcomic. I think everybody who read
Megatokyo back before it started
to suck had felt the same way at one point or another. Anyhow, I
took the school's requisite art classes thinking I could maybe find
a freshman who likes anime to hop onboard my project. The closest
I've gotten was some asian girl who draws really, really pretty
bishoujo. She doesn't seem too talkative though so I'm thinking
my next best bet might be recruiting somebody from the anime club.
Daniel Fuckicantrememberhislast-namebuthesanawe someartist said he
might be interested, but he mentioned a busy schedule and I wanted
to have the strip be pretty frequent so he's most likely out.
I will later update this entry with "Fuck, that's right. His
last name is ____."
Also, Channel101 has finally
updated and the new episode of "The Bu" is… amazing. Everything
the lonely island guys do just has amazing cinematography, and
the acting is incredible for what is supposed to be a comedy.
And at the end of the video when they start playing Yellowcard's
"Only One."
Masterful.
Almost encourages me to get off my ass and actually make a movie.
That's the problem with me, I'm too concerned with pursuing creative
endeavors to ever get anything accomplished. I'm kicking some
movie ideas around though, but the school is pretty much devoid
of any decent acting talent.
We'll see.
This year is really going to suck a great deal though. Andy and
Eddy are gone, David Lawall is gone, the Sanbourne Brothers are
gone. I feel so alone sometimes.
The new school principal and dean are both jerks. I'm hoping
that will wear off. All I know is that CD Players are banned from
all classes, even things like programming or fucking study
hall. I should've done that Greenfield Community College
program. Too late now though. None of my classes are terribly
enjoyable either. The only thing that gets me through the day
is my black Korean Gameboy Advance with a nicer screen than the
American models. I traded Will Silver my shitty American glacier
model, which he took with him to Florida along with the several
GBA games I know he fucking stole from me.
Life sucks sometimes.
I use too many one line paragraph breaks.
Lastly, there's a very strong chance I'll be going to Japan for
a year. I just have this strange feeling like I can be honestly
happy there. I mean, America is fun and all, but everyone just
seems so… fake. I'm incredibly fake myself, but I feel like
if I were in Japan I could change.
Sometimes I daydream about meeting a beautiful young girl while
I'm there and us confessing our love to each other on the roof
of the school before making out passionately, with the kind of
intense love only a young lonely gaijin lost in Japan trying to
find himself and a shy yet determined Japanese girl who hates
her misunderstanding parents for trying to force her to accept
traditional Japanese ideals can have.
It's nice to dream sometimes.
I estimate that in ten years Japan will be overrun with American
otaku. That's why I've got to make it in on the first wave over.
So I can enjoy it before we ruin it.
Maybe I'll hang out with Tim
Rogers, but I think he hates me now.
Lastly, in case Eddy thinks I forgot, the last Andy Eddy and
Jair show of all time was amazing. The sock puppet skits were
amazingly hilarious, and though some of my acting was admittedly
shitty, everything else was pretty much solid (except for a few
of Jair's random ass skits). Eddy doesn't think enough people
came, but I don't think that matters. Sure, there were other people
watching and occasionally laughing, and two of my lines got a
nice response which felt good ("Slaves went for more back
in the days of the riverboats!") But honestly those people
were just noise. I felt like the only people in that room were
just us and Rosie, looking back on the time we spent together
filming stupid movies and trying to convince ourselves it all
meant something. I feel glad that I was able to be a part of something
like that.
Shit I need to stop writing while listening to inspiring music,
I say some pretty lame things.
But hey, good luck Andy and Eddy, and to a lesser extent Jair.
One of you guys is going to do something great one day.
My money's on Andy.
(By the way. You fuckers need to tell me the name of two
songs from the show. The song that plays while Jair is gluing
leaves to paper, and the ending theme. I demand it. Seriously.)
Current Mood:  contemplative
Current Music: Yellowcard - Only One | | Thursday, September 2nd, 2004 | | 12:18 am |
I refuse to title this "The End of an Era" So, Gameforms is gone, possibly forever. I figure that means my first active position in the game industry is gone to the winds. Honestly, I was planning on quitting around my 100th column so I guess this foregoes the formalities. But still… I didn’t want it to happen like this. Even if Gameforms was a shitty site, it still felt good to be a part of something. To show people my stupid little picture in the staff section and be like “Hell yeah, these guys used to be the GIA.” I spent like an hour trying to save all the google caches of my column, so when someone asks me what I did for five months in 2004 I can show them a little folder labeled “gameforms” and say “this was my fucking life.” Hell, I know I’d be exaggerating, but I like to think that they’d look at me with a hint of respect in their eyes, and nod approvingly. So what did this position get me? I certainly didn’t achieve any sort of celebrity status, but I think a few people liked me. I guess Tim Rogers knows who I am, which counts for something. But I guess the best part about becoming a pale imitation of real online gaming journalists was that it helped me sneak unnoticed into the IC community, where I can truly be happy. Then again all this drama could be for nothing and the site could go back up tomorrow. But let’s ignore all that and announce the death prematurely while it’s still in our minds. Gameforms, 2002 – 2004. We weren’t the GIA, but at least we tried. And what now? I’ve been possibly offered a position over at Gamingredients, and if that doesn’t pan out maybe I’ll do some freelance work. Does that make me sound more like a mature journalist rather than an angsty teenage kid? I sure hope so. Kappuru is in Japan. I have been promised both a postcard and some gatchapon. I think I’ll play Capcom’s shitty capsule toy fighting game “Gotcha Force” to celebrate. I really like the character designs from that game for some reason. And I guess I started school yesterday, but I don’t really want to talk about that. Because I don’t feel like going into an angry rant about asshole teachers with no grasp of reality. I will however bring this slice of life to the table. EndlessChris this art teacher wants us to bring in a picture that says something about ourselves EndlessChris I'm thinking of what would be the most grossly offensive image possible Mr_Mechanical EndlessChris: For your class, do a picture where Willy Wonka is dressed up like Hitler and the Oompa Loompas are having sex while the children watch and eat candy. I think that’s some of the best advice I’ve gotten in a long while. Current Mood: discontentCurrent Music: Alanis Morressette - 8 Easy Steps | | Wednesday, September 1st, 2004 | | 3:55 pm |
Oh hell
Tim Rogers linked my shit. Good thing Gameforms is down or else people might know that I exist.
We can't be having that, can we? |
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