EndlessChris

SOMEBODY FIND ME GOOD FREE WEBHOSTING

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 22:18:20 GMT

I need it badly.

So

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 03:08:53 GMT

I decided all future stuff will just go on my site

CGX

It's just easier that way

Sat, 18 Dec 2004 02:38:54 GMT

Oh shit

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 22:55:16 GMT

This is what death tastes like

Wed, 15 Dec 2004 06:44:20 GMT

I FINALLY GET IT

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 06:29:09 GMT

Love Story

Sun, 05 Dec 2004 09:47:47 GMT

The One Year Anniversary of the Chris Gesualdi Experience

Mon, 08 Nov 2004 04:36:28 GMT

I'm 17 for the last time in my life

Wed, 20 Oct 2004 02:58:53 GMT

Gesualdi's Law

Mon, 20 Sep 2004 04:59:09 GMT

My Leg is a Train

Fri, 17 Sep 2004 04:09:09 GMT

Sometimes after waking up I just lie in bed half awake and have all these amazingly delusional thoughts. As these thoughts keep popping up I keep telling myself they don't make any sense, but yet as I lie there they seem perfectly normal. But then later they're so nonsensical I can't even describe them. Like my leg being a train, or all my high school classes melding into one Adobe InDesign document.

One time I had a dream where I was supposed to be running the Japanese stock market, and all these Japanese businessmen were yelling at me, demanding to buy and sell their stocks, and I'm just there screaming in English “I don't speak Japanese! I have no idea what you're saying!”

I think I'm going insane.

Anyhow, here's a list of games for this month that I feel compelled to own.

Advance Guardian Heroes
Astro Boy: Omega Factor
Gradius V
Growlanser Generations Deluxe Pack
~~Guilty Gear X2 #Reload~~ GET
Gungrave OD
Katamari Damacy
Mega Man X: Command Mission
Phantom Brave Limited Edition
Star Ocean 3
Shin Megami Tensei 3
Street Fighter Anniversary Collection
SVC Chaos

I guess one of the new Pokemon games goes somewhere on that list as well, but that's still up in the air. I just have trouble playing a game so set in archaic RPG design that you can't even move diagonally. I still haven't played Ruby/Sapphire. I should do that. Anyhow, if anyone wants to like, buy an NES or some games or something to help me afford some games this month, I'd totally understand. I'll sell you Super Mario RPG for like $30. You know you want it.

You'll notice that I bought GGX2#Reload because it's only $20 and everyone with an Xbox should run out and buy it or else they aren't my friend anymore. It's the best 2D fighter ever. I haven't actually opened it yet, I've been busy playing Tales of Symphonia. I've started using Chipp Zanuff recently and I hope #Reload tweaks his character's attack damage. He's really fast and all, but that means nothing when your attacks do like no damage and your health bar drops faster than everyone else's. Now I just need to get Xbox Live. Though I still have bad memories from getting my ass kicked in Capcom vs. SNK 2 EO online.

And I guess Tales of Symphonia is like my new favorite RPG. Right now I'm looking for a magical spirit that will let me save the unicorn trapped at the bottom of the lake so I can presumably take his horn and use it to save Pietro using the magic book I got from the Tower of Mana.

It's all very important shit.

Bang!

Tue, 14 Sep 2004 05:03:42 GMT

People, namely thatbox and Tollmaster, people who's real names I either don't know or choose not to remember, are hating on the new webcomic title. Those people are idiots because the new title is nice and fancy looking and fits the direction I intend to take the comic.

So fuck them, they don't know anything.

My computer has a new 80 gig hd I have decided to fill with as much pirated content as possible. So far I have Adobe Photoshop CS and a lot of movies. I almost bought some really cheap Comic Party DVDs I saw today, but decided to just pirate them like everything else. I am a savvy consumer.

Well, actually I'm not.

I have trouble with managing money, and when I say "managing money" I mean "not running out and spending money the second it enters my hands." The other day I managed to spend $70 in an hour at the mall. I used a Target raincheck to get Tales of Symphonia for $30, and Virtua Fighter 4: Evolution was half price at Toys R' Us, so that was another $10. Then as I was browsing EB Games I noticed a few SNES games. Now, this EB has never carried SNES games in the past, never. So I was intrigued. For some reason my sixth sense kicked in and I starting hoping to god I wouldn't find something like Megaman X2 or X3 since I didn't really have the money for it. Then I saw it.

Megaman X2. For $30.

Fuck.

So yeah, this is a terrible month to be a poor gamer. Lots of really nice games are coming out, very nice shiny games like Gradius V, which is made by "acclaimed developer" Treasure and supposedly feels a lot like Salamander/Life Force which is my favorite Gradius game anyhow. I made $120 this weekend and it's all I can do to keep myself from buying one of these limited edition street fighter pads. I saw the Akuma one at Blockbuster and it seems really, really nice. And of course there's Star Ocean 3, Phantom Brave Limited Edition, and of course the Growlanser Generations Deluxe Pack coming out god knows when.

What happened to the old days? When there was only like, a handful of good games a year?

I miss those days.

So anyhow, I'm still in the middle of that awkward teenage stage in life where you question everything around you. People tell me you grow out of it. I don't want to "grow out of it." Right now I feel more alive and aware of the world then I ever have been before.

Case in Point

The other day the "Andy Eddy and Jair show" played one last time at the Flywheel in Easthampton. We made t-shirts. The day was 9/9/04, the five year anniversary of the Dreamcast Launch. This was Dreamcast Remembrance Day. One person came, a Victor Tracy of "The Two Fat Ghouls," a horror show on public access Victor does with his brother that he tells me Rob Zombie enjoys. He was actually a really cool guy, and bought one of our shirts for $20. Here it is. So we built ourselves up thinking people might come, and it turned out to be just us and a few close associates, watching and laughing. I was a lot more pleased with my performance this time around than I was the first time I watched the last episode, and Eddy apparently really liked me in the "Soy Crisps" skit which counts for something. Afterwards I hopped in Eddy's car along with his sister Rosie and we ranted about Nickelodeon programming and other various unimportant subjects as we got lost for about an hour before showing up at the Route. 9 diner. As we waited for our drinks I loudly commented about how no one was taking Dreamcast Remembrance Day seriously, when our asian waiter butted in and let his love for the Dreamcast be known. When he brought my american cheese omelette to the table he asked me what my favorite Dreamcast game was. I drew a blank for a second, almost saying Skies of Arcadia, but then I remembered the right answer.

Shenmue.

He was a bit disapointed in himself, knowing of the greatness of Yu Suzuki's saga of a boy looking for some sailors, and having never experienced it himself. By that time, it was past 12:00 and Dreamcast Remembrance Day was over.

But this isn't about Shenmue, or the Dreamcast. This is about watching this stupid show we poured our hearts into with the only people who ever deserved to watch it. This is about driving in that car with the windows down and the stereo blaring as we yelled at each other about The Adventures of Pete and Pete. This is about being in that Diner wearing our stupid matching T-shirts and saying goodbye to something that meant something to no one but us. This is about me completely blowing off my stupid video game letters column to spend two hours trying to write something meaningful.

That night, spending the last few hours together with those guys before our group disbanded for the last time. That was one of the few times I've ever really felt alive.

I liked feeling that way.

But then day comes and I'm back at school where I can't feel those sorts of emotions. All I feel is helplessness, like I'm the only sane person trapped among a bunch of people who don't care about the trappings of their daily life. The world could be revolutionized overnight, the problem is that no one cares. All that's left for me to do to justify myself is find a path worth following, and revolutionize that path the best I can by myself.

When I was a kid I think I wanted to be a writer. I wrote stories that were a great many pages long, though I often got the page count up by adding in large outragous sound effects that took up half the page.

Kaboom!

I used to write a lot of shitty pokemon fanfiction, most of which can be found here. The rest is in a drive on my old computer, along with all my old mp3s, things I want yet can no longer access. The best one I ever wrote was a nine chapter story called "Mornstar'z Saga" (The z was later changed to an s after I realized how retarded it was). People loved that story, even though it had plotholes everywhere. But there was action, and drama, and romance. I later replaced the pokemon with giant robots and condensed the plot into a 90 page epic I called "Mechanized." I wrote it for a 7th grade writing assignment and accidently forgot to print out the ending, yet I still got an A. I was that good. So good that my school picked me to be one of five representitives for a story contest, and I wasted the chance by waiting until the last minute to write a crap story about some kids who buy an arcade machine from a closing pizzeria as a remembrance of the kindly owner who passes away from cancer. Then they skip their senior prom to play it outside long into the night with the screen illuminating their faces under the dark night sky.

I think I stopped writing after that.

Up until now I feel like I've wasted a great deal of my life. I've realized the greatest thing that matters to me is friendship, and I think I've missed out on the oppertunity to truly have any meaningful lasting relationships. And it hurts, knowing that I'll never have the kind of perfect friendships I see in the movies. I have a couple of friends who I occasionally play Halo with. But it just doesn't mean anything to me anymore.

And so in the middle of all this bullshit teenage drama none of you wanted to read Chris Gesualdi announces this.

I'm going to Japan my senior year.

Where I will have so many friends and so many meaningful experiences I won't know what to do with them all.

And I'm going to look up at the sky one day and a cherry blossom will land on my nose and my Japanese girlfriend will laugh at me.

And I'll laugh too.

And I'll convert to buddism, get my girlfriend pregnant, marry her, develop
a life threatening medical disorder and get several tattoos no matter what anyone
says. Not even the exchange program guidebook.

(seriously though, can they really have guidelines against changing
your religion?)

I think someday I just want to be as great a man as Hiroshi Fujioka is. You might know him by another name. Or maybe you don't.

He was in Shenmue.

I want to be in Shenmue someday.

Bang!

Don't Worry, we won't tell anyone

Tue, 07 Sep 2004 15:54:38 GMT

My school library has a new policy where you have to leave your student ID at the front desk to get into this wonderful treasure trove of books and computers with internet access. I make it a point not to ever carry my student ID as a form of protest against any policy that does nothing but waste my time. I attempted to casually stroll into the library before I was stopped by the librarian at the desk and informed of the new policy.

“It’s a new policy” she told me.

“I don’t carry my student ID with me” I told her.

“Sorry, it’s a new policy”

“Look, it’s ok, I’ll just get in today and tomorrow I’ll bring the ID”

“I can’t let you do that, it’s a new policy”

“I can give you my name, it’s Chris Gesualdi, Jizz-wall-d—“

“No, no, no, see there’s a new policy.”

“Look, I have something very important I need to do, you can’t just spring a new policy on me. Now I’m going to go use the computer,” I said and started walking off towards a computer.

“But… the new polic--”

“Shh. Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone” I assured her.

I’ve learned that if you seem determined and assertive enough then most people will eventually give way. I’m now reading about Tim Rogers going to Korea.

Seems very important to me.

(This is like the forth entry of mine in a row mentioning Tim Rogers. I’m a loser)

Ripping your mind wide open

Fri, 03 Sep 2004 05:38:08 GMT

Gameforms might actually be coming back, but I don't know if I'll be returning as well. We'll just have to wait and see. I still have a column I never got the chance to post, but it's fairly outdated by now. It actually feels a bit more poetic that no one will be able to read it.
</p>

But for now, I'm enjoying working on my personal site again.

I returned to school with few things in mind. One thing I wanted to do was find somebody to work on my little webcomic project.

It has a new title now.

I've always wanted to do a webcomic. I think everybody who read Megatokyo back before it started to suck had felt the same way at one point or another. Anyhow, I took the school's requisite art classes thinking I could maybe find a freshman who likes anime to hop onboard my project. The closest I've gotten was some asian girl who draws really, really pretty bishoujo. She doesn't seem too talkative though so I'm thinking my next best bet might be recruiting somebody from the anime club. Daniel Fuckicantrememberhislast-namebuthesanawesomeartist said he might be interested, but he mentioned a busy schedule and I wanted to have the strip be pretty frequent so he's most likely out.

I will later update this entry with "Fuck, that's right. His last name is ____."

Also, Channel101 has finally updated and the new episode of "The Bu" is… amazing. Everything the lonely island guys do just has amazing cinematography, and the acting is incredible for what is supposed to be a comedy. And at the end of the video when they start playing Yellowcard's "Only One."

Masterful.

Almost encourages me to get off my ass and actually make a movie.

That's the problem with me, I'm too concerned with pursuing creative endeavors to ever get anything accomplished. I'm kicking some movie ideas around though, but the school is pretty much devoid of any decent acting talent.

We'll see.

This year is really going to suck a great deal though. Andy and Eddy are gone, David Lawall is gone, the Sanbourne Brothers are gone. I feel so alone sometimes.

The new school principal and dean are both jerks. I'm hoping that will wear off. All I know is that CD Players are banned from all classes, even things like programming or fucking study hall. I should've done that Greenfield Community College program. Too late now though. None of my classes are terribly enjoyable either. The only thing that gets me through the day is my black Korean Gameboy Advance with a nicer screen than the American models. I traded Will Silver my shitty American glacier model, which he took with him to Florida along with the several GBA games I know he fucking stole from me.

Life sucks sometimes.

I use too many one line paragraph breaks.

Lastly, there's a very strong chance I'll be going to Japan for a year. I just have this strange feeling like I can be honestly happy there. I mean, America is fun and all, but everyone just seems so… fake. I'm incredibly fake myself, but I feel like if I were in Japan I could change.

Sometimes I daydream about meeting a beautiful young girl while I'm there and us confessing our love to each other on the roof of the school before making out passionately, with the kind of intense love only a young lonely gaijin lost in Japan trying to find himself and a shy yet determined Japanese girl who hates her misunderstanding parents for trying to force her to accept traditional Japanese ideals can have.

It's nice to dream sometimes.

I estimate that in ten years Japan will be overrun with American otaku. That's why I've got to make it in on the first wave over. So I can enjoy it before we ruin it.

Maybe I'll hang out with Tim Rogers, but I think he hates me now.

Lastly, in case Eddy thinks I forgot, the last Andy Eddy and Jair show of all time was amazing. The sock puppet skits were amazingly hilarious, and though some of my acting was admittedly shitty, everything else was pretty much solid (except for a few of Jair's random ass skits). Eddy doesn't think enough people came, but I don't think that matters. Sure, there were other people watching and occasionally laughing, and two of my lines got a nice response which felt good ("Slaves went for more back in the days of the riverboats!") But honestly those people were just noise. I felt like the only people in that room were just us and Rosie, looking back on the time we spent together filming stupid movies and trying to convince ourselves it all meant something. I feel glad that I was able to be a part of something like that.

Shit I need to stop writing while listening to inspiring music, I say some pretty lame things.

But hey, good luck Andy and Eddy, and to a lesser extent Jair. One of you guys is going to do something great one day.

My money's on Andy.

(By the way. You fuckers need to tell me the name of two songs from the show. The song that plays while Jair is gluing leaves to paper, and the ending theme. I demand it. Seriously.)

I refuse to title this "The End of an Era"

Thu, 02 Sep 2004 04:19:56 GMT

So, Gameforms is gone, possibly forever. I figure that means my first active position in the game industry is gone to the winds. Honestly, I was planning on quitting around my 100th column so I guess this foregoes the formalities. But still… I didn’t want it to happen like this. Even if Gameforms was a shitty site, it still felt good to be a part of something. To show people my stupid little picture in the staff section and be like “Hell yeah, these guys used to be the GIA.”

I spent like an hour trying to save all the google caches of my column, so when someone asks me what I did for five months in 2004 I can show them a little folder labeled “gameforms” and say “this was my fucking life.”

Hell, I know I’d be exaggerating, but I like to think that they’d look at me with a hint of respect in their eyes, and nod approvingly.

So what did this position get me? I certainly didn’t achieve any sort of celebrity status, but I think a few people liked me. I guess Tim Rogers knows who I am, which counts for something. But I guess the best part about becoming a pale imitation of real online gaming journalists was that it helped me sneak unnoticed into the IC community, where I can truly be happy.

Then again all this drama could be for nothing and the site could go back up tomorrow. But let’s ignore all that and announce the death prematurely while it’s still in our minds.

Gameforms, 2002 – 2004.
We weren’t the GIA, but at least we tried.

And what now? I’ve been possibly offered a position over at Gamingredients, and if that doesn’t pan out maybe I’ll do some freelance work.

Does that make me sound more like a mature journalist rather than an angsty teenage kid? I sure hope so.

Kappuru is in Japan. I have been promised both a postcard and some gatchapon. I think I’ll play Capcom’s shitty capsule toy fighting game “Gotcha Force” to celebrate.

I really like the character designs from that game for some reason.

And I guess I started school yesterday, but I don’t really want to talk about that. Because I don’t feel like going into an angry rant about asshole teachers with no grasp of reality. I will however bring this slice of life to the table.

EndlessChris this art teacher wants us to bring in a picture that says something about ourselves
EndlessChris I'm thinking of what would be the most grossly offensive image possible
Mr_Mechanical EndlessChris: For your class, do a picture where Willy Wonka is dressed up like Hitler and the Oompa Loompas are having sex while the children watch and eat candy.

I think that’s some of the best advice I’ve gotten in a long while.

Oh hell

Wed, 01 Sep 2004 19:56:55 GMT

Tim Rogers linked my shit. Good thing Gameforms is down or else people might know that I exist.

We can't be having that, can we?

108 Story Contest! It's Post-Modern!

Wed, 25 Aug 2004 09:36:49 GMT

There’s a secret café hidden deep in the business district of Tokyo. I’m not even sure if anyone other than me knows it exists. The story of how I had found it is still a strange story for me to recount, but I’ll try my best.

One day I noticed a young girl dressed in a pale white dress standing in an alleyway between two mighty skyscrapers. The entrance was blocked off by several misshapen planks of wood, and the further you progressed down the alley it the darker it got. This didn’t seem like an appropriate place for a little girl to be playing, so I called out to her in the politest Japanese I could muster “Hey, you probably shouldn’t be in there.” She turned to me and smiled.

“I found something,” she said. My thoughts immediately turned dark as I began to wonder about what kind of thing you would find in a dark alleyway. Against my better judgment I decided to see what she had found. It struggled to push aside the heavy wooden boards blocking my path, wishing I were a child as well so I could slip under them like I assumed she had. I managed to squeeze through without incident, and went to see what the girl had found. I was expecting to find a dead body or something, but fortunately spotted no copses.

“What is it?” I asked her, not spotting anything amiss.

“Look,” she said pointing at what I thought was just the wall. But then I looked a little harder and saw what she had found. There was an indentation in the shape of a large rectangle. I touched the wall and found it to be cold to the touch. It was metal. As I looked more closely at the indentations I realized I was looking at a set of double doors, doors that seemed to have been unused for a long time. Yet I saw no knobs or handles. Then I noticed a small panel next to the doors with a single white button.

An elevator.

“Well, this is certainly strange,” I remarked, looking down at the girl. She looked back at me and giggled slightly.

“Press it,” she said with a sudden enthusiasm, pointing at the button. Her suggestion only drove my initial curiosity further, and I pressed it. It lit up with a soft white glow, contrasting strongly with the dark alleyway. After a few seconds of waiting, I heard a familiar ding and the doors slid open, revealing a set of pale green walls. The elevator looked untouched by time, as if had never been used before. The walls were spotless; the metal frame was polished to a perfect shine. It was almost eerily perfect in every way.

“I don’t know about this,” I said aloud, looking down for the girl only to notice she was gone. I quickly looked down the alley to try and spot her only to see a familiar figure in white running off into the darkness laughing. “Wait!” I yelled out to her, but she had already disappeared, the darkness seeming to have swallowed her. Suddenly, I was a bit unnerved to be alone in a dark alley like I was. The irrational fear of the dark I had carried with me since I was a child with was beginning to take control of my mind. Then I heard growling coming from out of that darkness. With my head spinning paranoid thoughts of some monster coming bursting out of the dark abyss and crushing my head, I panicked and ran inside the elevator.

I immediately felt safer in the small, well lit environment. I looked over at the wall panel, yet I was a bit surprised at my lack of options. Though the panel had room for plenty of buttons, there was only one. Next to it was a tiny embossed label with a number that felt familiar to me.

“108.”

At that point I had begun to consider my options. I could run out of here screaming, tear down the alley and hope some demon didn’t catch up to me as I was maneuvering those boards out of my way again, or I could press this lonely button and see where the elevator took me. Looking out of my little safe room into the darkness outside I decided to stick with the latter choice. I might end up in some board room or janitor’s closet, but I was sure if I apologized profusely for my actions I could probably get out of the building without the police being called. With a deep breath, I pressed the button, and watched as the doors slid closed.

About a few seconds after I began my ascent the idea of riding an elevator that had probably been without maintenance for several years struck me as a bit unsafe. It was a long ride to the top, and every time I heard a creak I prayed for the cable not to snap. I began to wonder about what I would do if the elevator got trapped between floors. I entertained the thought of opening the maintenance hatch and climbing the cable to safety, but I knew I was no action hero. I would most likely die of dehydration. Then several years later a maintenance crew would pry open the doors and find an old withered skeleton clutching a Gameboy. One of them would steal the money out of my wallet, find my ID, and some government official break the news to my parents that their stupid gaijin son had died in an old abandoned elevator he had no business being in. I starting praying harder.

Luckily I arrived at the elevator stop without incident. The doors slid back open and sunlight streamed in. I stepped out of the elevator and put my hand over my eyes to shield them from the sun. I was suddenly faced with an open blue sky, a few wispy clouds scattered about and some birds flying overhead. I was on the roof.

I started scanning the rooftop looking for a way back down. I didn’t see a stairway or ladder anywhere; it seemed the only way to the roof was the elevator. I sighed, realizing I’d soon be taking that death elevator back down to the alleyway of more death. I knew it was stupid to be afraid, but some primal terror still held me in its grasp. I then spotted what seemed to be a maintenance shed. I felt a little bit more hopeful. Maybe I could find a friendly maintenance worker who knew another way off the roof.

As I reached the old grey shed, I noticed a tiny scrap of paper on the red door. It read simply “Café M.” This was the only clue that something special lay behind those doors. I was bit puzzled at first, but I forgot about all that and turned the knob while pushing through the doorway.

"Irasshaimase konnichiwa!"

I jumped, startled. I turned to the source of the friendly greeting and found a young Japanese women dressed in a yellow waitresses uniform. Her hair was long, and dark like her eyes, and she had a bit of makeup on that accentuated her features.

“Um… konichiwa,” I responded politely, still a bit taken aback. I surveyed my surroundings and realized I was in a café. The walls were all painted yellow, and there was a tiny table over in the corner. Though the place couldn’t have been bigger than my bathroom, it still seemed quite comfortable. The waitress gestured for me to sit down and I did. I almost thought to ask her about why there was a tiny little café hidden on the roof of an office building that you could only reach by taking an elevator hidden in a dark alleyway, but by the time I figured out how to put all that into a coherent sentence she had already put a menu down in front of me.

“Coffee – 450 Yen
Toast - 350 Yen.”

Admittedly the menu wasn’t much, but I doubted they could do much else with little more than a coffee pot, toaster and mini fridge.

“I’ll have toast and some coffee,” I told her. She smiled and returned to her little counter to complete my order. I still wasn’t sure what to think about the situation, so I turned back to my thoughts of that dark alley. Surely what I had heard was a dog or something. For all I knew I hadn’t heard a thing, maybe my mind was just playing tricks on me. Still, I wanted to stay in this café for a while, I wasn’t ready to go back to that alleyway just yet.

After a few minutes of taking in the décor of this tiny establishment, and entertaining the thought of forcing small talk with the waitress, my order was brought over to my table and placed in front of me. My first thought was “she put way too much butter on my toast” but then I noticed something else. I looked down at the teapot and saw what I originally thought to be a regular coaster under it. But then I looked a little harder and realized it was in actuality a disc of some sort. Puzzled, I moved the teapot, picked up the disc and softly read the label aloud.

“The Document of Metal Gear Solid 2.”

“Excuse me, but what is this?” I asked turning around. I stopped suddenly. Standing above me was a man I immediately recognized from numerous magazine clippings and gaming websites. A man I had admired for many years. A man who was only adding to the confusion and absurdity of the situation. But yet, here he was.

Kojima.

“I deeply apologize that there’s no pitcher for the cream. We were all out so I had to run over to the store to get a fresh carton. Please pardon this inconvenience,” he said to me. He waited for my response. I was a bit shaken. In front of me stood Hideo Kojima, the producer and main force behind Metal Gear Solid, and Zone of the Enders, and Policenauts. The vice president of Konami himself, here in this tiny little café hidden on the roof of an office building that—well, you get the picture.

“Er… it’s quite alright… I was just wondering about this,” I said holding up the disc. I knew my question about the disc had sense been replaced with about a thousand other questions, but it was the first one that popped into my head.

He let out a single “Ha.” “Don’t worry about that, just go home and watch it some time, I think you might enjoy it.” I wasn’t sure if Hideo Kojima understood that I was a bit unnerved to be in his presence. He must’ve seen the look of complete shock on my face, but it seemed he chose to ignore it.

“Thanks…” I responded, feeling completely nervous in front of a man who’s work I admired so much. Kojima smiled, satisfied with our conversation.

“Now then, If you’ll excuse me, I have an urgent mission to undertake. It seems a group of terrorists have seized a Japanese military installation outside of Korea. I’ve been called in to neutralize the threat.”

“You’re joking right?” I asked, grinning at what seemed like a clever reference to his previous works. If he had been trying to break the mood it had worked, but it seemed I was wrong. Kojima suddenly looked at me with an intense seriousness.

“If I fail this mission, it could mean the start of World War III” he said, not with anger, just with determination. I suddenly got the impression he wasn’t joking. He could tell I wanted to know more, and without any provocation he pulled out two shiny metal guns. Revolvers to be exact, each polished to a fine perfection, flawless in every way. A certain silver haired antagonist came to mind as he held them in front of me for a closer inspection. The way they reflected my face was almost beautiful. “These are my only comrades,” he said, sounding almost like a line out of a cheesy Western. But the way he said it, it meant so much more. These simple revolvers were hardly suitable for the type of task he seemed to be preparing himself for. But suddenly, he stopped looking so serious and grinned. But they’re all I need” he said smiling. For a second, I thought maybe he was crazy, but looking at his confident grin, I somehow got the feeling he could pull it off.

“Is that all you’re bringing with you?” I asked, trying to bring attention to the fact that a middle aged Japanese game developer armed with a pair of revolvers didn’t seem like a properly outfitted mercenary. But Kojima just nodded knowingly at my question as if he had known it was coming long before I had asked it. Like a kindly old grandfather smiling at the question of a wide-eyed child, he grinned warmly at me, pointed at his bandana, and spoke some very familiar words.

“Unlimited Ammo.”

I was a bit surprised at his demeanor in light of the task he faced, but when I saw that smile of his my surprise turned into understanding. I didn’t need to ask him if he was afraid, I already knew this man had just as many fears as any normal man. But courage is not being without fear, courage is standing up to these fears and facing them without hesitation. Just looking at him I knew he had no thoughts of failure, and his confidence was inspiring. I thought again about taking that old elevator back down to that dark alleyway, and suddenly I felt no more dread. If a middle aged Japanese game developer could stand in front of his fears with such courage, such conviction, then a young American exchange student could do the same, and maybe…

Well maybe there’s hope for us all.

I turned back to my coffee and didn’t look back. I knew Kojima was already gone, possibly forever. But I didn’t have time to think about that, I was a new man. I picked up my cup of coffee and looked deep into the darkness within. Then, with no hesitation, I took a small sip. And I smiled, knowing everything was going to be alright.

The coffee was a bit bitter though.

CGX Popularity Poll

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 10:29:57 GMT

This is here to check how many people visit my site, or to see if I actually have any fans. See, I have no way of checking the traffic to my site. For all I know, no one could be reading any of the crap I put up. But anyhow, if you could post your name, where you're from, how you found my site, and any other relevent information, that'd be awesome. Just click that add a comment thingy or whatever it is.